✌️ How to Protect Your Peace

Hey there! Welcome back to The Flow by Flocus. If you’re new around here, welcome! 👋  You can catch up on our previous editions right here.

This week: It’s all about boundaries — why they’re important, how to set them, and how they can help protect your peace this holiday season and beyond. Let’s get to it!

👯‍♀️ How to Set Boundaries with Yourself

Self-boundaries are super important for managing your time and emotions effectively.

Some examples of healthy self-boundaries:

• Realizing that you’re doomscrolling on social media and turning on an app blocker

• Remembering to plan something fun after a difficult event, like an appointment or exam

• Following through on plans you made instead of canceling and isolating

A lot of these examples start with “remembering” or “realizing” — because self-awareness is always the first step. You can’t stick to your boundaries until you’re able to realize when you’re breaking them.

Your Turn! — Think about some self-boundaries you’d like to practice. Make a list, if it helps. Include some baby steps you can take each day to make it easier.

Now that you know how to set boundaries with yourself, let’s take a look at 5 tips for managing boundaries with others.

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Next up, let's dive into how to put up your boundaries 🤺

✋ How to Set Boundaries with Others

Setting and managing boundaries with others is a delicate balancing act. It can take years of practice, but we’ve got some expert tips to get you started this week!

🧠 1. Focus on managing yourself, not others

This is our top tip for setting boundaries with anyone. It’s also why we talked about setting boundaries with yourself first.

While you can work to influence someone’s behavior, you can’t control what others think or how they act.

Anytime you’re setting or navigating a boundary, always focus on analyzing and regulating how you feel. This will be difficult, but it’ll make all the difference.

🗒️ 2. Write a script for difficult conversations

In a private place only you can access, write down how you feel and what you’d like to say. In this first draft, you don’t have to hold back — feel free to vent and rant.

Give it some time, then read it over again. Edit it, or create a fresh script that focuses on the 3 Fs:

• Facts — Have you checked to make sure your version of events is 100% true and factual?

• Feelings — Have you expressed your feelings honestly and diplomatically, without accusing, blaming, or attacking the other person?

• Favorable Outcomes — What is your ideal outcome, and how can you collaborate with the other person to make it happen? Try this: “After XYZ happens, I’d like ABC to happen.”

🗓️ 3. Be specific about the timeframe

While exploring your emotions or writing your script, ask yourself, “How long does this boundary need to be in place?”

Whatever answer you arrive at, be sure to communicate it to the other person — even if you’re not sure how long you’ll need.

🏈 4. Make a gameplan

Brainstorm some ways to protect your peace before, during, and after setting a boundary.

Let’s say you want your brother to ask you before borrowing your stuff. Here’s what your gameplan might look like:

1. Before talking to my brother, I’ll write down how I feel and why this is important to me.

2. While talking to my brother, I’ll use a fidget toy to stay calm.

3. After talking to my brother, I’ll restrict his access to things I don’t want him to borrow in case the boundary is broken.

🐢 5. Know that behavioral change isn’t always instant

As frustrating as this fact may be, most people need some grace and time when adjusting to a boundary.

That said, there’s a difference between extending this grace and tolerating continued disrespect at the expense of your wellbeing.

Tip: Try to meet the other person where they are. Emphasize how important your boundary is for a healthy relationship.

🪅 Flocus Picks

A curated list of things worth sharing.

• holiday lofi (Playlist) — Get into the seasonal spirit with cozy, chill holiday vibes that are perfect for work or relaxation.

• How to Protect Your Peace (Video) — Lavendaire shares more actionable tips for living a calm and peaceful life.

• Billie Eilish: Tiny Desk Concert (Video) — Billie’s new Tiny Desk performance is a soothing background watch while you focus or wind down this week.

🖥️ Flocus: Your Personal Productivity Dashboard

We’re always here to support your peace of mind and boundaries. Whether it’s setting focused work sessions, balancing your priorities, or unwinding with soothing sounds 💆‍♀️

Maintaining boundaries is one of the trickiest parts of any relationship. Learning how to successfully navigate them is a survival skill that will serve you well throughout your life.

Best of luck with setting stronger boundaries in 2025 and beyond!

Until next Sunday,

Flocus Team